Almost too amazing to believe: McDonald's UK has a new website to respond to various McDonalds-related controversies. (Bear in mind that, this being the .co.uk sector, the last phrase should be pronounced MACdonalds-related conTROVersies). Along with predictable questions like "Where do you source your salad items from?" is this little gem:

Q: Why did your employees ejaculate into my grandmother's milkshake?
A: Any rumors and stories about this kind of behavior have never been found to be true and are regarded as urban myths. If McDonald's receives any claims about bodily fluids in food these claims are fully investigated. If something like this were found to happen any employee acting in this way would be dismissed.

Am I the only one who doesn't quite feel better for reading this?

There are, however, lots of other good questions with equally forthright answers, including "How do you get your McDonald's meals to taste the same every time? Also, can I have a free pen?"